i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This baby is an asshole
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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