Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
