your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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