shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love having hate sex.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When are your genitals available?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
