So drunk its hurt
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
