We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
