your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize