Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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