he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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