I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You're like the curious george of whores
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
