Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize