sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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