im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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