I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
this boner is exhausting
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
