I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
