smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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