If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
