dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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