I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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