so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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