shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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