he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize