Me too!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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