dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
