Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
