Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
