i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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