Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
