So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
