goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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