someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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