And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize