Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
