I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
