YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
