I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i think my tv is drunk
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
