He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
