Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
