He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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