I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
