also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
