I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
