in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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