From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
