watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
