Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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