So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
