By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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