I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
