mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We are all done wearing pants today
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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