Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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