i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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