There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Randomize