youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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