Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
