dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
