the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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