Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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