Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
