Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
