We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize