A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
