he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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