Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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