if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
