I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Randomize
