I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
