You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
