she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize