Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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