dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize