so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
