I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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