I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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