i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
