you traded sex for a burrito?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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