Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
