I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
