So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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