the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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