Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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