My underwear smells like fireworks.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize