i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
