remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
