glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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