Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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