They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
