Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
