wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
