Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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