I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
