I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
