in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
