Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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