yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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