good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
