I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
