My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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