Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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