I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
