I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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