Sry I called you an 8
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
