Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize