a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize