I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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