Me too!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
