why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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