he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
