She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
