Say something about gay babies.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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