he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
