sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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