but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
