the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
