Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize