Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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