Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
