There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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