the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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