I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
