I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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