I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
