Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
