whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
